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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
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12:49 am - remember when?
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remember when you used to know exactly who you wanted to be and how to get there?
remember when you always had someone to call on a boring Friday night?
remember when you actually knew everything about your best friend, your brother, mother, or anyone for that matter?
remember when you were a nice person that people were proud to have as their friend?
sometimes it can be kind of hard to remember anything at all.
current mood:  melancholy
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Comments: 4 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Sunday, August 31st, 2003
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10:13 pm - actually got stuff done
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okay so there is a lot going on with me right now, a lot that I am keeping in and keeping from certain people... even though some things are falling apart (one or two permenately but hopefully the others just for a little while)... i decided the other day that i need to concentrate on MOI! yes me, this may sound cheesy but i am beginning to believe the only person i can truly count on besides God is myself, don't get me wrong i have amazing friends, i have the love of my life, and a slightly odd family, but i am learning that to really be happy i first have to figure out me again. it has been a long time since i have concentrated on me...
anyhow, i miss my Cat. i know she won't even read this but i really do miss her. i would have thought we'd see each other more, but we have talked in a while, i have a fairly good idea why... but she is the one of the MOST important people in my life and will always be...
anyhow, i hope you all the best in your coming school year and anything else that come your way this year. just remember if anything comes your way that may be to much to handle alone, you have friends,family, and i hope some kind of spiritual belief of you own that can help you through it!
current mood:  hopeful
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Comments: wish on a star.
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| Friday, August 8th, 2003
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10:15 pm - always gotta love a random quiz
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| Thursday, July 31st, 2003
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10:46 pm - been a while
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jeez.. i can't really even remeber the last time i posted, but i do know it wasn't a happy post.. although that particular situation is still sticky, and who knows when that will change, life is still better than it was (and i hope you can say the same)...
i've been home for a few weeks, well since school ended, and well to be honest it sucks to be a lot of the time. i try to avoid both my parents, it hurts to talk to either of them. i do try to reach out to my father but quite often he just seems to ignore it. i spend most of my nights over at Jasons, his parents really seem to care for me, and his neice whom i adore seems to like me. although sometimes things are shaky for him and i, i've told him a lot of lies in the past couple of months (not recently, i know i have to try better to keep him) and i think it is hard for him to trust me.
i really love my job at Michaels, Amy and Angel are getting to be two of my best friends. especially Angel, she and i have decided to live together next year (since Hal graduates and will probably be moving back to Augusta to teach :( sad for me, but happy for her). i think Angel and i would be just fine living together. my most favorite thing about them is that they never judge me, like i could tell them anything and although they might not agree with it or understand it they support me, and that is really rare in friends (especially girls).
i haven't spent much time with Cat, i guess we are both just too busy. but she seems happy and that is the most important thing in the world to me, i would give up everything i have for that girl. she is without a doubt the most amazing person i have ever meet in my life.
but to be honest, right now the only thing that really makes any sense is Jason. every minute that i'm not with him i am thinking about him. i really do hope that we stay together and can make it through all these problems that i've created for us. we used to talk about our "wedding" and stuff like that, and to be honest it used to kind of scare me, but now when i want to talk about it he doesn't, because well he isn't sure anymore and i don't blame him really, but it hurts.
ugh, i just want to go lay in bed and read. i have to get up early to take this stupid test to apply to Terry. wish me luck, i may just need it.
g'nite all
xoxoxo muah
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Sam Cooke: "what a wonderful world"
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Comments: wish on a star.
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| Sunday, July 6th, 2003
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4:12 pm - like shit
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I feel like complete shit... I feel like the bitch that I've always told people I can be... I never meant to hurt you, and I actually wish I could change somethings but mainly how this all ended.. I just got done reading your diary and to read some of those things really hurt, but I know I deserve to be hurt, I hurt you... I think I am going to be sick.....
current mood: crappy
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Comments: 1 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Sunday, May 4th, 2003
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4:04 pm - no sleep
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it is funny how things work sometimes.. i'm really happy right now, but for some reason i'm having a lot of trouble sleeping.. and for those of you who know me, i NEVER have trouble sleeping, sleeping is like my favorite past time.
i guess i just have a whole lot of shit on my mind.. but i should have no trouble falling asleep on thursday (since i should be incredibly smashed)
sometimes i miss the way things were in high school, i had so many friends and always had something to do. but i guess now, my friendships are more real. don't get me wrong, i still love my friends from high school, but things change drastically and it is impossible to go back, so why even try?? right??
i should be going to church in an hour, but i just don't think i can.. i REALLY need to study for accounting.. not that i want to, but need to...
love love x0x0 mauh!
current mood:  tired
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Comments: wish on a star.
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| Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
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9:32 pm - so funny
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i just got done reading thru a lot of my old posts, it is kind of funny..
it is odd how things can change so quickly..
the ONLY thing that has stayed constant in my life, is Catherine. Which shouldn't really suprize me in the least.
anyhow rereading all the stuff made me realize that i'll be fine, and so will my decisions. life can be a bitch sometimes, but i'm happy right now, really happy, and i deserve that. not occasional happiness but all the time happiness, and i'm going to try and make sure i get that.
okay i really should go study now, b/c my accounting final is going to kick my ass.
I love you guys! xoxo mauh!
current mood: amused
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Comments: wish on a star.
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9:12 pm - confusion at its best
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finals suck... just thought i'd share..
i haven't written here in a while, well b/c what is the point really? but i don't know, i just felt kind of like writing today.
lets see.. my family sucks right now.. i kind of wish things would just to ahead and get done and over with.. i love my parents with all my heart and soul, but i don't like going home anymore, i don't like being there and how feel when i am there.
i'm confused about well other stuff too.. i have a fear of hurting people, but in the end if i don't do what i think is right i'll be hurting myself more.. but this is by far one of the hardest things i've ever had to do.. how do you tell someone you can't be with them anymore?? i don't think i'm ready to do it yet, i just need more time to get the strength, and although this may seem odd i'm actually looking to God for that strength, i have to have faith that God will lead me to the right decision but that does need time.. and well i've already made most of the decision... i know i'm rambling.. but Dorothy understands me right now (i love you girl!)..
part of me thinks i'm being selfish and that it isn't far to him, but then again, if i don't look out for me, who will? ugh!
i guess only time will tell... i think this week should help me a lot to figure out what is the best way to go about everything...
anyhow, i've listened to this song like a million times b/c well it makes me feel better:
I can't be losing sleep over this, no, I can't
Now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
This is over my head but underneath my feet
'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this
'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
current mood:  curious
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Comments: 3 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Friday, January 17th, 2003
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10:20 am - dirty old men
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One more thing.... for those of you who remember Chris(from Donatos)... I had been working with him over Christmas break... and well things got real interesting... and there were some serious "plans" set for Spring Break, but he got fired the other day...which i know is for the best since I do intend for Jason and i to be together for quite a long time.... but.... ugh i don't know....
current mood:  satisfied
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Comments: wish on a star.
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10:17 am - must not exist
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I think the absolute best thing about this semester would be only having Tuesday Thursday classes.
I came to a realization a few days ago, the past 6 or 7 months have been a little too centered around my boyfriend and I have been trying to change that. I've told people to call me, called people and yet it seems that in the last 6 months "friends" have forgotten that I existed. It seems odd that the person I've only know for about 1 year is my best friend down here in Athens, when there are people down here that I knew from 7th or 8th grade.... But whatever......
:(
okay that was all i really wanted to say.......
current mood: crushed
current music: the fat boys that live above us walking around
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Comments: 1 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Friday, November 8th, 2002
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12:46 pm - lost keys
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UGH!!!!!! I was so not going to get up this morning to go to my 8 am (I only have it on fridays) but instead I rolled out of bed, and this is after going to bed around 3 and being woken up like 4 or 5 times during the night. Lets just say sometimes I LOVEEEEEE sleeping with my boyfriend next to me, and other times not so much. But it isn't his fault in the least, he just had problems breathing last night and would wake me up to talk or something. Which is fine. I'm not really tired. Anyhow I was going to skip one of my classes today to go home and pick up something i forgot and take a quick shower (and say goodbye to my boy before he went home), but i unfortunately somehow left my keys in my 8 am class. When did I realize this you ask??? ohhh when I was walking up to the door of my car!! So i had to get on another bus and go search for my keys, which meant that there was no going home, no showering and no lunch! So now I am hungry, a little smelly ;) and want to go home. but NOOOO! i have class at 1:25 but after that I can go home, bathe, eat something and head off to work from 5 to 9. I love my job.... really do love it! My mom and brother are coming down to see my tommorow. Hal is going home to see her lil sis perform (she is on the flag team at her high school), so anyhow i would have been all alone this weekend, but instead my boyfriend is coming tonight and my fam tomorrow!! The only downfall to my fam coming is that i have to clean majorly! Anyhow, I should head off to class, it is such a niceeeeee day outside!!! Ohh yeah ANYONE who is going to be home in Georgia for xmas break, Hal is going home and I can't (b/c of work).... so if ANYONE wants to come down and see my apartment or spend some quality time with me(come on you know you do!!!!) then please do! :) I love you ALL!!!!
current mood:  anxious
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Comments: wish on a star.
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| Friday, October 4th, 2002
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10:35 am - wahoooo
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well it has been almost 3 months since the last time i posted, i just have been busy i suppose or too lazy to write or both. anyhow, lets see... life isn't too bad.. Jason and I are still together, i have never fallen this hard for anyone in my life, it is sooo great.. he is my best friend, my lover, everything i could ever need in another person :) but i suppose you all know that i fall quick and i fall hard, but i really do possibly believe this could be the "one"... who knows?? but i am lovin it right now!!! the apartment life is treating me well... except for i never ever realized how fucking expensive groceries are!! jesus!?!?! i really like living with Hallie, we get along so well and we have so much fun together. By the way, if anyone is ever down in my area we have a really comfy futon, that is always open for anyone to sleep in :) school sucks of course, i fucked myself over royally and don't feel like explaining b/c it wouldn't make sense to you anyways unless you go to college in georgia(so if you do and you want to know just ask!)... i have a job this semester @ Michaels(the arts and craft store), it is so odd i was so used to working at fast food restuarants and stuff like that and now i am working in retail like all the other smucks! ;) i really like the job except for the fact that i am the bookkeeper on the weekends which means i have to work saturday @ 8 am and sunday @9 am! Which is way early, and really sucks when i go out the night before!! ohh yeah... well there is MAJOR problems with my parents.. who knows divorce possibly in the future? i fucking hope not... but whatever makes THEM both happy is the best thing... my brothers are both happy, and still hanging out together, even though i never get to see them since i can never go home since i ALWAYS have to work weekends! UGH~ I am supposed to be working on a project right now, I am in the UGA library lab but i just can't seem to concentrate... Another season of Gilmore Girls has started which makes me MEGA happy, you should ALLLLLL watch it... 8 pm on tuesday nights on the WB! It is a GRRRRRRRRRRReat show! Promise! Okay well i guess i will go do my work, maybe i'll start updating again.. who knows??
I love you all! xxooxxoo
Muah!
current mood:  giddy
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Comments: 2 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Sunday, July 28th, 2002
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7:02 pm - wow... tomorrow is the "big day"
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well i am taking a little break from packing up my room and almost everything i own.. tomorrow is moving day!!! jason is going to be here (my house) around 11 tomorrow morning, him and my father are going to load all the furniture and what not into the van and then we will head down to athens. i am soooooo excited and anxious and so many other things at the same time. i am THANKING god right now that hal is the one i am living with, i know we will be so totally fine (we may play fight occasionally but i sincerely don't ever remember being mad at her). anyhow, my bed doesn't come until wednesday so jason and i will be camping out on my bedroom floor tomorrow night but i'm sure we will make it fun :) :) :) he is sooooo amazing, i am falling head over heels for this boy. which is a little intimidating but i believe him when he tells me his intentions for the future, and i am trully falling in love with him. anyhow, thursday is Warped tour!! i can not fucking wait!! it is going to be me, marie, hal, david (hals and mine), jason and bobby.... it should be GREAT fun!! anyhow i suppose i should return to the task at hand (packing!!) wish me luck tomorrow, i am sooooo going to need it! i love you all!! xxooxxoo
current mood: excited
current music: music from the movie center stage ;)
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Comments: 1 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Friday, June 28th, 2002
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2:53 pm - random
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so yeah, i don't know why i never post but i don't so this is a random update on my life.. well i am no longer employed by donatos and damnit that feels good, all this week i've been "training" at the Moe's Southwestern Grill on Windward Pkwy. My daddy's store should open sometime in the next 2 weeks, which should be great fun... ummm last week i was in Augusta all week long, and i'll leave out the details (b/c i'm sure no one cares) but i had great fun down there and some important things were learned such as showers being a totally personal thing! :) well David (piercing boy) and i are just friends, and i am well spending a LOT of time with his best friend Jason... i don't know where jason and i are going, and well i don't want to worry about it too much right now anyhow, but he is a total sweetheart and the ONLY possible problem between us is that he is very close to being an alcoholic and well i don't like being around people with dependency problems b/c it makes me think of my brother... i had a slight breakdown last night and started crying, i am MEGA stressed out about this upcoming school year and well it seems like it might not all come together like i hoped it would... it is still weird to be home, i miss some of my friends from school, but what sucks more is that i miss my friends that live right here in Cumming with me... i don't know... i'm hanging out with Katie Batie tonight, which should be great fun even though i am totally exhausted... the last two nights in a row i've only gotten two hours of sleep and well last night i actually slept in my car see cause i hang out with jason until like 5 or 6in the morning and then i have to work at 9, and last night i didn't want to come home at 5:30 so i just slept in my car, it wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it would be... anyhow i should run and take a shower... i feel so drained emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally, i need one long nap or just time to think... love and kisses to ALL of you!!!!!
current mood:  drained
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Comments: 2 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Saturday, June 1st, 2002
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9:05 pm - yippy skippy dooooo
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mahweeeeee and i rented the first season of Sex and the City so we are off being girly and watching stuff :) yahooooooo i love stackers :) love love xoxo muah
Which era in time are you?
current mood:  quixotic
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Comments: 2 wishes - wish on a star.
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3:41 pm - the 4 walls are starting to shrink
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i feel like i live in the 4 walls of Donatos... i told my manager today that my last day will be June 15th!! that makes me want to do a little dance of joy for two reasons: 1) i will be done with Donatos hopefully for the rest of my life 2)very shortly after my last day i will be heading to augusta for a week (yeah fun fun fun!!!!)anyhow everything is okay... the drive down to florida was well eventful and left me with almost no answers... David and I aren't really speaking right now (i'm mad b/c he didn't stick up for me when his ex-finance called me a stupid bitch and some other things) but i do have ALLLLL his stuff still in my car, so i'm no sure how long i'll be able to continue on not talking to him...anyhow of course i have to go shower so i can return to fucking donatos! please god someone come in to see me tonight :) what more could you need then free pizza and me??? nothing nothing at all!! :)
love love muah
current mood:  sore
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Comments: wish on a star.
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| Saturday, May 25th, 2002
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4:04 pm
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i hate questions... questions i don't know how to answer... why can't i just say maybe and have that be good enough?? um... i saw Star Wars yesterday and i LOVED it, maybe b/c Yoda plays such a big part i don't know but it was Grrrrrreat! i had a totally kick-ass day yesterday :) i'm working all day today and tomorrow morning, then sunday morning. But sunday afternoon, my family and i are going to Chuck C cheese for my nephews 4th birthday (i can NOT believe that he is 4, it is CRAZY!)Then Monday is the long long drive... down to Florida... part of me is excited and part of me isn't.. see i'm driving down to florida to pick up a guy "friend" of mine and then we are turning back around and heading back to georgia.. i haven't seen him in over a month and well the last time we saw each other we were real close to being much more than friends, so i don't know where that left us and i don't know really where i want to be... anyhow i'm in a KICK ass mood which i'm hoping will not end as soon as i step through the doors of Donatos.. love love
current mood:  dirty
current music: SpongeBob Square pants
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Comments: 2 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
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1:45 pm - I should soooo be doing other things...
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okay so i want everything in life to be black and white, is that too much to ask? it would be just so much easier if everyone told you exactly what they were thinking all the time, yeah it might be kind of upseting but then again hell at least you know. i'm incredibly confused about some stuff right now, i know what i should do but i don't know what i want to do, i should have it all figured out by this weekend or early next week (it all depends on two things). anyhow i should be doing laundry or cleaning my room or taking a shower or so many other things, but i'm glad to be home and have no one here with me. my parents found out that i smoked, well rather that i never ever really quit smoking (when my mom asked me to at least a year ago and i told her that i did), the only real problem they had with it is that i'm on birth control (not b/c i'm out skrewing people like a little rabbit or anything) and you aren't supposed to smoke while on that, and well as a lot of you know i bruise so incredibly easily (which is partially b/c my blood doesn't clot too well and well b/c i smoke)... anyhow i was glad that they didn't yell at me or anything like that. they even asked if i smoked in my car, and just told me to not smoke while driving b/c i'm kind of a shitty driver (well only kinda). anyhow, i took some quizzes earlier b/c i was bored and i'm blaming the fact that i took them all on david (sorry dear, i have to blame someone, you know i love you!). but i hope all is well for the world, i am off to go do something productive while i am still buzzing from my Stacker i took earlier. love love!
Which Piercing are you?
Take the What Kind of Slacker are you? Quiz
take the emo quiz.created by jessi
take the death quiz.
and go to mewing.net. laura = great.
current mood: ditzy
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Comments: 1 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Monday, May 20th, 2002
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7:50 am - two problems
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problem #1: I am up and incredibly awake at 7:50 in the morning
problem #2: I just got done walking 3 miles with my father, who is almost 6'4" or something, which means his legs are quite a bit longer then mine....
now it is off to bed again....love love... oh yeah, one more problem: i've been having horrible nightmares for the past week. no fun, no fun at all.
current mood:  hot
current music: 97.1 in the background, b/c my mom is listening to it
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Comments: 1 wishes - wish on a star.
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| Friday, May 10th, 2002
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6:32 pm - TT4N
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linzymarie's journal
